Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
