ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
