Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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