Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The power of my boobs compel you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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