Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
