omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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