On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
