I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
should my penis look like a turkey
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
