He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
