Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
