That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
