Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize