Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
