oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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