Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
