Just cropdusted the office
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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