well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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