You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
