She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
