just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
