no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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