I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also, beer. Big fan.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
