I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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