Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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