So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
