well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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