when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
