Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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