Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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