She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
