Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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