I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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