quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
