The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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