The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
