i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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