He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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