she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ladies don't puke and tell
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
