i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
