If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
