He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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