Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
