No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
