dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
