Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Boobs are out for the taking
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just had sex on a roof
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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