He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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