dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
where are my eyebrows?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
