we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
