at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pants are for mortals
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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