Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
