i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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