OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize