Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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