Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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