Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
