yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
