I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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