I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
