I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and she was petting her beer can
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
