I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
