i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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