I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
