so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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