I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize